Another Kind of Demon

So, this morning I had a sleep paralysis episode but it was the first time in a long time.... that it involved TWO entities... one of which admitted to being a demon, though I did kind of invoke it, it still kinda creeps me out and yet fascinates me. As I recall, not all demons are entirely evil... most used to be gods.

In my past dreams the entity has always appeared either through my panicked thoughts or on it's own but never... that I can remember... has there been more that one entity in the room with me at time. Nor have I ever felt such a distinction... like they were DIFFERENT. There was a PRESENCE about the second one.  It's hard to explain beyond that but they were DIFFERENT. But both were in the same space... and one frightened the other away.

Moving on...

I dreamt I was part of a gypsy caravan and I sang songs in the back of the van, our legs swinging over the dirt road as we traveled. I sat next to my friend Emanuelle and I leaned on her shoulder and we sang "gypsy songs" that I don't remember but we were happy.

I began to wake up gradually. I knew I was in my bed. I could see all my room and I knew I was in bed. There was a strange man in the corner. He was about my age, black hair disheveled, wearing mostly tight black clothing. If I didn't know better I'd say Edward Scissorhands was in the corner of my bedroom twitching horribly and flickering. His eyes were sooo dark like he had been crying and wearing heavy mascara and it had all run down his face and his eyes were almost invisible under all his disheveled black hair.

 Emo-looking yes... but at the time... he was terrifying. I felt waves of pain coming off of him and it scared me. It's hard to explain (I keep saying that but it's true). It hurt to be in the same room with him and he felt like a landmine ready to be set off. It was so disturbing. He hadn't even looked at me but I had this great and terrible fear that if he looked at me something terrible would happen.

I became afraid. I knew I was lucid and in the midst of sleep paralysis as I was seeing that miserable creature in the corner of my room but was painfully aware of my surroundings and of the fact that it was hard to breathe and I couldn't move. I kept trying to will myself to see something else, to calm down.

He twitched and writhed some more and flickered and moved, moaning softly and horribly, he ghosted towards the bed and I began to cry out only I couldn't because my lips were glued shut. I concentrated on calming myself, reminding myself that this wasn't real and that what I felt would pass... suddenly I felt a large, strong, warm hand on my forehead and I heard a familiar voice,

"Don't worry, I'm here now. He can't hurt you."

I thought loudly at the voice but I'm not sure my voice made it but he seemed to hear me, "Help me. I'm afraid."

He spoke again and I recognized the voice as British and then Watson's from the British T.V. show Sherlock,
"Don't let go..." he wrapped his strong warm hands around mine and I felt it. The strange dark man hissed at us and disappeared.

"Are you an angel?" I asked the strong warm presence with my mind. He took more form above me, appearing as Watson straddling me.

He laughed sheepishly, "Hahah uh, no, no I'm not." in Watson's voice.

"Are you a demon too?" I asked.

His eyes shifted down to mine and narrowed, he smiled quietly and said in a distinctly non-Watson voice, "Another kind, yes."

I felt a pang of fear hearing that but asked anyway, "What kind would that be?" I asked in my mind. If I could've raised my eyebrow I would have.

He kissed me on the forehead and then softly on the lips. I barely felt it. I begged him for things. Things which I'm ashamed of now but he just laughed at me kindly at the time. He just stayed until the sunlight started pouring through my windows.

The paralysis started losing it's grip even as I tried to prolong it. I know that I felt him holding my right hand for a bit then I tried to pull it away and succeeded but still felt him brush it almost lovingly. He had touched my forehead and kissed it and kissed my neck and various other things but it all sort of gradient faded into conscious and then suddenly before I knew it I was fully awake looking around the room confusedly because it was so real and yet nothing was there. He was gone, the strange dark man was gone. It was all so normal. And so instantaneous... I went from feeling the warmth of his hands one second to suddenly... gone. Just like that. Like it never happened.






.... And YES I psychoanalyze myself (nearly every morning... yeh that can't be healthy)
Watson obviously represents someone I admire and many ways relate to... and am even looking for in a mate. He's been on my mind a lot so it's no wonder that the first "Strong, Safe" person I think of is Watson. The rest of it and the way he looked at me is what has me feeling uneasy.

Demons freak me out, okay? They freak everyone out. They freak me out especially because I know their roots and the idea that the media has presented recently... that they can take on the appearance of our loved ones is... honestly, My. Worst. Fear.
They are powerful, unpredictable, and often cruel as portrayed by media. I know I've been under a lot of stress lately but uhh... if anything else happens (knocks on wood) you'll know where it began.  >.>

And now I have to write a fucking 6pg paper.

But I Don't Want To Stop Dreaming...

I rrrreally did not want to wake up today. I had just had enough of the "real" world and wanted to stay where I was in the dream world. So when I woke up I spent the better part of 2 hours trying to find it again with no luck though I did have some disjointed dreams in the process, most of which were mostly lucid. It felt like home and I felt like I was being ripped away from it and really there wasn't much plot to the dream, just that I was lucid enough to understand I couldn't stay.

It begun in the kitchen of my "dream house", I was cooking something with the help of Evaly who kept stealing kisses between chopping veggies. It was just such a "normal" sort of domestic dream. I felt so at home and so at peace with her in my kitchen. Then I began thinking about how the kitchen is the heart of the home and then I remembered telling that to some of my friends, that phrase... and then I realized that I was in a dream and none of it was real.

Evaly looked up at me and smiled, she asked me to get some herbs from the garden so I walked through the house out onto the porch and down the few steps to our little herb garden. Our house sat on a cliff over looking the sea and as soon as I stepped outside the scent of the ocean hit me, the salt, humidity, and calm as it crashed on the rocks below in a hushed sort of hiss.

I stared out at the sea and the sky was so vivid but unreal. It was a gradient of blues, purples, oranges, golds, and reds. I heard the screendoor swing shut and Evaly stood there on the porch saying,
"It's almost done. Have you got them?"

"Yeah, here." I handed some sprigs of rosemary, thyme, and fresh cilantro to her. I could smell the herbs and the salty air. I remember distinctly the texture of her hair. Thick but sort of feathery at the ends but the same dark inky black I'm used to. I started to run my fingers through it.

She laughed and turned, headed back inside, "Well we better add these. Come inside, it looks like rain."

And what had been a clear sky with a brilliant sunset was suddenly dark and rainy.

I came inside as the rain pattered on the roof. Apparently we had made soup and she had set a bowl out for me. I sat down at the corner of the table beside her as we ate. I do actually remember tasting the soup vividly. She smiled at me and said quietly,
"You know you can't stay." as she blew on her soup to cool it.

"But I don't want to stop dreaming." I said, picking at my soup.

It was thundering outside and I felt the chill of the rain come through the open windows as the curtains danced. I sensed I was drifting towards consciousness. I didn't fight it because I knew that the harder I fought the faster I'd wake up.

Evaly began singing softly, a song that I heard once before in a dream,

"We're birds of a feather and I know you're in need of fair weather, just call my name again,
'cause it's getting stormy, you know where to find me, and I know you're in need of a friend."

"My father sang that in another dream."

Then she smiled at me and said, "Do you hear the chainsaw?"

My eyes popped open and I heard it, fully awake. Apparently mom was outside chainsawing a tree by the edge of the garden and it had thundered and rained last night.

Carol King and the Totem Trellis

You know, I hate that feeling when I've had a good dream or an interesting one anyway... and it fades and all I remember are fragments but I feel like there is something important I'm missing.

So... I've been listening to Carol King all evening because that was what I remember waking up with in my mind. I was singing something by Carol King when I woke up and I remember a trellis and some sprout people dancing and I was singing on their behalf.

There were also faces carved into the wooden trellis and they were singing along with me as the chorus. There was the face of a wolf, eagle, and bull... and they were singing Carol King lyrics along with me while these sprout people were growing.


Dreams... they're interesting things. If a bit odd.

You've been gone for so long, my Lord.

It's been a while since I've had a really cohesive and intricate dream. Lately they've been alternating lucidish-sleep paralysis episodes and random sometimes lucid snippets but no real plot or meaning (meaning that I could discern). I've been having lots of sleep-paralysis episodes lately but they've all mostly been neutral to somewhat negative but not all that bad experiences... I'm attributing this to the fact that I'm mostly lucid during them because I've been hardcore practicing and when I dream about being in my room and being unable to move I tend to instinctually realize that I'm dreaming.

Mostly they've been of someone standing at the foot of my bed watching me or crawling onto my bed and or choking me but then I end up sort of laughing at them (in my mind at least, the sort of vibe that I give out if that makes sense) and it changes directions. I also believe my intense loneliness has shaped these experiences wherein I'm more likely to invite and send loving/lustful vibes towards whatever it is I'm seeing rather than rejection or fear which then in turn shapes what I'm seeing. It begins a frightful apparition, usually a dark shadow, or someone that's hurt me in the past, or even as a classical demon/incubus/succubus (which I honestly can't take seriously anymore) but then it changes form with my thoughts. They've been interesting though unsatisfying experiences to say the least....

Aaaanyway. This morning/evening was an exception. It was a dream with plot and it took me a while within the dream to become lucid. It carried so much familiarity with it and so much vividness that it was almost like stepping into another world... and as my dream comrades pointed out, it was exactly that.

--------

I 'awoke' on a day bed facing an open balcony that looked out over the ocean. The sea breezes danced in the gauzy curtains around the arch and I felt their cool touch on my skin. The floor was stone but smooth and polished. I could see my own reflection in it. I remember I was wearing a combination of armor and some silky tunic with long long sleeves that billowed in the wind. Everything around me was covered in thick dusty cobwebs.

Beside my daybed was a lovely sword. I remember the hilt was braided and made to look like vines. I slid it into the sheath strapped to my back just as someone burst through the doors to my chamber. I believe his name was Quillain or something similar sounding.

Quillain had long silvery hair, appeared Elvin, but was wearing a teal velvet suit jacket as well as circular spectacles. I felt as if I had known him forever but that I had been away for a long time. He stopped and gasped and then rushed at me, hugging me tightly.

"You've returned!" He kept saying, "I knew you would. No one believed me but I always knew you would!" I stroked his hair gently and it felt so familiar like I knew him and had always known him.

"You've been gone for so long, my Lord." he half whispered half sobbed against my neck.

I asked him what was wrong. Quillain told me that 'The Wretched' were attacking us and had been for the last ten years while I was away. I stepped out onto the balcony and looked out over my city. The walls were on the brink of being breeched and my city was on fire. I felt an overwhelming sadness and guilt. It was my fault that my city was under siege. I knew I had been away for too long.

I sank to my knees with my back against the stone just feeling utterly overwhelmed by sadness and guilt. I kept saying, "It's my fault." over and over again. Quillain stood before me and offered me his hand, he kept begging and cooing softly to me that it wasn't my fault and that I could still fix it and that they needed me.

I took his hand and he led me through the castle, past the kitchen (which oddly looked a lot like my cafeteria at my high school) and down through the halls of the castle, there were people running around performing errands but they all stopped at stared at me for a moment. I felt special like I was their leader but at the same time guilty for leaving them so vulnerable.

We ran out into the courtyard just in time to hear a terrible explosion and the war cry of The Wretched as they breeched our walls. Quillain started stripping away the silky parts of my clothing and helping me into my armor (it was so fluid, that the armor seemed to conform to my body perfectly like a second skin). When he was done I looked at him a realized that his hair had changed color, instead of silver it was now dark brown. This is when I became lucid.

"Evaly?" I asked. 'Quillain' placed a finger to his lips and nudged me towards the inner gate just as the battering ram pierced it. 'The Wretched' turned out to be these fast-moving zombie creatures with long sharp claws and jagged teeth. The looked like they had once been people but they were so grotesque and they way the moved was disturbing, all twitchy and against human nature.

I drew my sword and ran towards them shouting at the top of my lungs. I swung so hard at them, I tried knocking them to the ground and hitting them with as much force as I could. I could smell their decaying flesh and it made me sick but I kept hitting them and swinging my sword around me, catching several of them at a time. I saw my soliders rushing them and fight along side me. I looked through the gate out at the feilds and the waves of The Wretched seemed endless.

I knew I was dreaming but at the same time I was afraid that I would lose control... and of course the fear of losing control is what started weakening my control. They were getting closer and the fear was settling in me, I was beginning to forget that I was dreaming. Quillain/Evaly stepped up behind me and whispered in my ear, "You came back for a reason, never forget that You. Are. A. God." That was exactly what I needed to hear. I thrust my arm out before me and my fingertips erupted in a pillar of fire that swept through the horde of 'The Wretched', they screeched and howled and it was horrible but I kept it up.

As I burned them I noted that some of them were children and the part of me that was invested in the dream knew that they were once children of my villages and that I was killing things that had once been my people. It was sick and I felt disgusted but I kept going. I reached up at the sky and thought about being weightless, I didn't flap my arms or 'try' to fly, I just simply willed it and allowed myself to rise and I floated over the horde, raining down fire on their numbers, I drifted over rooftops and swooped down low and covered them in fire until they ran from my city, howling and screeching.

I remember some of the huts resembled the trailers outside of my high school where classes were held. I was fighting off these zombie creatures in the parking lot of my old school. I started losing power and crash-landed on the straw roof of a hut by the gate. I remember my limbs feeling like lead and rolling off the roof onto a stack of crates and then the ground, knocking and breaking things and part of the hut as I rolled. I remember hurting all over and feeling weak and tired. I knew that there were still Wretched trying to get in but I looked up and saw my soldiers repairing the wall and fighting them back which was some relief. Quillain was standing over me and helped me up.

He pulled me into another embrace and I buried my face in his shoulder. He kept saying, "You've saved us." I remember smelling his hair and it smelled familiar. With my last bit of lucidity I said, "I don't want to wake up. I want to stay here with you. I miss you." It felt like the world was being wrenched away from me. The harder I clung to the image, the faster it faded and it broke my heart.

The dream devolved into things. Somehow I ended up walking the halls of my old high school and feeling lost because the building was abandoned but I felt like I was supposed to be somewhere. Then I 'woke up' to an episode of sleep paralysis and one of The Wretched was standing at the foot of my bed twitching horribly at me briefly before they shifted into shadows and vague blurry forms and one form that drifted over my bed, gripped my throat tightly but then embraced me and kissed my forehead.

Then I woke up.