My blood on your lips

I've been having an internal debate with myself all day as to whether I should post this or not. It's safe and sound in my journal but I guess I wanted to post this to show just how intensely dreams can affect someone physically as they're dreaming.

This is why sleep paralysis is such an intense experience. People have actually injured themselves (scratches, chipped teeth, other more severe things, even injured others near them) while in the grip of such terror. This is why I think learning to influence and alter such experiences is a wonderful idea and can potentially help people that suffer from this.

 

Usually the first step is to acknowledge that it is or it could be Sleep Paralysis and not a demon sitting on your chest or aliens sticking you with needles. I myself do not know whether I believe in this or not and I often fight with myself over whether or not I believe in supernatural things but once people know that there is something scientific that may explain what they are experiencing, it becomes less terrifying. At least that's how it was for me. Now, I'm slowly learning how to influence it.

Anywho, on to the dream!

 

I was dancing in some sort of dark club. The people around me were all very interesting looking. Some had antlers, others wings, some I can't even describe. It was a rather surreal experience even for a dream. Time felt messed up. I remember the floor was glass or see-through and I could see clouds swirling under us. I was almost afraid I might fall through but I kept dancing any way. A beautiful person sidled up to me and we were dancing close... very close. It was lovely. I felt all flirty and soon someone else joined us and I was lucky enough to be in the middle of these two alien ethereal people.

 

It was like a nightclub circus... there were people swinging from the rafters on vine-covered swings and everyone was dressed in either really flowy things or tight sparkly things. Faces were twisted and distorted with make-up. There was so much going on. It was sensory overload for me. In the center of the ring was a pillow-pit (kind of like what you would find at a gymnasium only filled with pillows instead of foam) in which people and creatures were engaging in... some rather fun looking things... to which I leave to your imagination.

 

I felt like I was looking for someone or that I was late or that I was going to be in trouble but I just couldn't tear myself away from the beautiful people dancing against me. It was hard to get a grip on them. Like with many of my sexy dreams it's like trying to hold onto smoke. I grew frustrated and then suddenly someone caught my wrist and dragged me from the crowd. He was tall and had long dark brown hair but, being a dream person, his face was a conglomerate of faces which I don't really remember. He wore a long dark red trench coat. There was a sense of familiarity and want but also worry because he seemed angry with me. I felt like I was in trouble.

 

He easily captured both of my wrists and pinned me to one of the stone pillars off in a dark corner,

"Just what do you think you're doing?"

I tried to pull away weakly but he held on tightly.

I laughed nervously and replied, "Dancing?"

His laugh was darker and his grin was much wider, "I can see that." His grip only tightend when I tried to break away and a strategically placed leg found it's way between mine only adding to my growing frustration.

"... sorry?"

 

He smirked at my half-hearted apology, "Are you?"

The dream began to fade. Some other things happened which I forget. Things generally tend to get more nonsensical as I drift into consciousness. This is where things got interesting.

I was in my bed, it was still pretty dark but I knew it was my room and I could see my vanity-mirror and dresser with the faint light of the bathroom. I grew aware of something in my room and began to panic. A tall silhouette stood at the foot of my bed watching me. I tried reaching for my knife but in an instant he was on top of me pinning my wrists down.

There was fear but there was also residual frustration which I blame for what happened next. Usually when I don't know that I'm still dreaming the sleep paralysis turns the experience very dark and negative but this time it was different... mostly. The figure became more visible and took on a definite shape; long dark brownish almost black hair and a long dark red trench coat. As I was in a wakeful state yet still dreaming (and might I add, I didn't know I was still dreaming) the sensations were much more vivid and intense than they seem to be in my dreams.

No matter what I did I couldn't move. It was hard to breathe and then he bit me. I tried so hard to move but it was like my limbs were made of lead and it was a struggle just to breath. Even my lips were sealed shut like an envelope. I could feel his teeth digging into my flesh and yes, it did hurt but it also made my toes curl. I'd say we were half and half with fear and want here. He pulled back grinning and revealing blood-stained teeth before craning his neck to kiss me. I tasted blood. I think it was the intensity of the actually tasting blood that brought me all the way back to reality.

I sort of convulsed on the bed (like when you're just falling asleep but then you feel like you're actually falling and you jerk back awake? Yeah...)... lay there panting for a moment, still tasting blood only I realized it had been my own. I had bitten the side of my tongue. Pretty hard too. Still hurts.

Produce Aisle Rock Star

I had one about my friend Jesse where I was back stage at a concert only the "back stage" area happend to be the produce aisle of this old grocery store I used to go to when I was a kid and Jesse was a rock star. It was... odd but interesting. We ended up diving into one of the fresh corn displays... you know, those huge boxes? Always wanted to do that in real life. I know there was a lot more to the dream but for the life of me I can't remember it.

What am I forgetting?

Yes I've been having a new dream everynight but they've been pretty hard to remember and with the power being out I hadn't really bothered to upload my scrawlings. They've been mostly non-sensical. I feel that there is a lot more that my waking mind just can't put together properly so it forgets things.
I'm pretty sure I only remember like maybe 10% of what I actually dream and I know that the average person has at least several dreams a night, most of which they probably don't remember.

It really is like a whole other universe. The more superstitous part of my mind wonders if it actually is. I don't doubt it seeing as there's always this big gap of non-remembering things.

There were a few dreams that sort of made sense... as much as dreams can anyway.

Your dress, like bruised rose petals

So, this was a dream from yesterday. Haven't had a dream since but I'm about to. We'll see.
I was in some sort of conference and it was boring as hell. I wanted out. Then I saw this lady near the side of the room (it was a large gymnasium type of room only with better chairs) and she beckoned to me. I felt like I knew her so I followed her, left my chair dispite the disapproving look from all the old men sitting around me, and followed her. I -knew- her but I didn't know how.

I said, "Thank you for rescuing me."

She chuckled once we were outside the doors, "I'm always saving you."

I held her close and whispered, "I think I love you."

She chuckled again, "You think or you know?"

I laughed, "I know." We ended up in a sort of garden but it was inside of this glorious cave but there was a hole in the cieling through which light poured into the room. It was so moist--almost tropical-feeling and there were plants and flowers everywhere within this cave and they seemed to be glowing.
She kissed me slowly and deeply and I had this overwhelming sense of familiarity.
"Who are you? I know you?

She laughed and kissed my neck, "Do you? Who am I then?"

It started raining. There were water droplets pouring through the hole in the cieling. She stood there, twisting and dancing slowly in the rain as I sat back and watched, totallly enthralled. I knew her but I didn't know how.

Her long dark hair clung to her body as she danced, in inky dark lines and her dress clung to her body like crushed rose petals.. it was so red. I could see her nipples perk up through the thin silky fabric. The rain felt cold but oh so good against my skin. She was so so so lovely. I just kept watching her dance. The name finally came to me and I remembered I was dreaming,
"Evaly."

She stopped and threw herself at me. She was soaking wet and I could actually feel it. It was so vivid. I could ---feeel--- it. She looked like Fairuza Balk only her hair was longer and her face was somewhat longer. I blame this partly on crushing on said actress lately.

"Perhaps." She ground herself against me and I may or may not have moaned... and it may or may not have devolved into sexy times...

but the dream soon faded and I woke up covered in sweat and I er may or may not have taken a nice long cold shower. >_>

So tired...

After a day of feeling like the world was out to get me I dreamt about the dream world out to get me. I hate when I go to sleep and end up even more tired than when I went to sleep. It's frustrating... and these last couple days with the nightmares have made me uneasy about such things.

C'mon, man. I've been hankering for a sexy dream and instead I've been hassled by a demon and chased by wolves. YES. WOLVES.

I was running through our field at my house and there was a pack of wolves chasing me. Earlier in the dream I had been arguing with my mother about transgender things... wait was that... nah, it was both in the dream and in reality---the arguing---the wolves, however, were only in my dreams (thankfully). I climbed a tree in the middle of the field. It was an old dead oak tree and the wolves were trying yet failing to climb it. They kept snapping at my heels.

I tested reality and realized I was dreaming when I pulled on my fingers and they stretched out like noodles. ( SEE?! It does work! Pulling on fingers and testing reality: they stretch means you're dreaming, and when they don't means you're awake and you're weird... :P ) Then I tried flying and managed to escape the wolf pack. I flew to an apartment complex where Spencer (he was a douchebag) used to live only in the dream I lived there now and apparently with my mom... things were confusing... and she was angry at me for being transgender (this part of my dream I'm blaming on real life disagreements and arguments which have since been resolved... hopefully...  but still hurt). We screamed at each other for a long time but no matter what I said she wouldn't listen to me and the argument seemed to go on forever. I kept thinking, "Why can't she understand?! What can I say differently?!" It drove me nuts.

I woke up feeling ten times more frustrated and tired than I had been when I went to sleep.

Catching up on some past dreams

So, I’ve been getting behind on dreams but really there isn’t much to report other than the nightmare I had last night titled ‘The demon down the street’ so I’ll just jot down an overview and some details from my last few dreams:

Aug 20^th

Was telling someone inside of my dream about lucid dreaming and then was like… huh, *stretched my fingers out* I’m dreaming. They smirked at me and asked, “So, what’ll it be? Superman, fireballs, or orgy?”

I thought it over and said, “Superman… then orgy.”

So we flew around an old barn like superman and then had an orgy. The orgy didn’t last as long as I would’ve liked before I woke up but eh… t’was fun. My tricksy brain trying to trick me. Won’t work as long as I’ve got my fingers to pull on!

Aug 19^th

Dreamt that I was dreaming and I woke up but then realized I was still dreaming because the column in the middle of my room was a fruit-tree. I’ve been questioning reality a lot lately. I make a habit of pulling on my fingers… people may look at me funny but when my dreams start blurring the lines like that it’s good to know whether or not I can defy gravity without dying.

Aug 18^th

Had an episode of sleep paralysis but I wasn’t initially aware that I was dreaming. It was a rather intimate thing and involved someone from my waking life—wasn’t scary, just frustrating as hell—so I took it down because I got shy.

The demon down the street

**** I suppose I should warn y'all when there's gore... there's gore and just general nastiness. My nightmares are usually pretty gory. You've been warned.****

So, this morning first thing I pulled on my fingers just to make sure I wasn't dreaming any longer because I reeeeaaally wanted to be awake after the dream I had last night. As someone who's had some pretty gory nightmares and has had nightmares for a long long time... this one was pretty freakin' creepy and yet it wasn't even as gory as most of my nightmares tend to be. It was the general creepiness of it and the feeling of helplessness that really got to me.

I lived in a nice 'McMansion' house somewhere in suburbia and apparently I was part of a large-ish wealthy family. The interior was nice and my family members were mostly snobbish but otherwise things seemed to be okay. Then I began noticing that something wasn't right; things would be moved where they weren't supposed to be.

Pieces of furniture would be misplaced or upside down or knocked over. I would walk by a mirror and see a shadowy figure but when I looked for it, there would be nothing there. There was this growing sense of dread and no one else seemed to notice so I just didn't say anything. The oldest son (I think he was my cousin or nephew in the dream) started acting strangely--the cat went missing and I found it all mangled in the bathroom-- but no one seemed to think it was him even though his reaction to the dead cat was almost like glee when everyone  else was reasonably upset.

His eyes would completely dilate every now and then and sometimes his features would shift from a look of fear to a look of sadistic glee almost to the point where his features would twist in an in-human way---they would stretch and distort but whenever anyone else looked he was normal. He caught me looking at him and locked eyes with me as they grew dark. He knew that I knew... the fucker was possessed.

I ran out to my car (apparently I was something of a Hunter--from SPN--and had a lot of mojo stuff in my trunk) and grabbed some things: crucifix, book of incantations, and a gallon jug of holy water. I went back inside just in time to watch him crush a wine glass in his hand and chuck the shards at his sister's face so hard that fragments stuck. The rest of the family obviously noticed this and were freaking out... how exactly is one supposed to react to that? Some lady fainted, the girl shrieked because one shard got her eye, the girl's mother said hysterically, "She's going to cry--don't let her cry! I get nervous when she cries.", and the others mostly just tried to get as far away from the possessed boy as they could.

He turned his gaze on me and hissed, "You're next."

Of course I felt a pang of fear but I was also sort of pissed off. He started towards me slowly, telling me under his breath of all the awful things he had planned for me but I extended my hand and shouted, "Osuwari!" (Yes, like from Inuyasha.) and it stopped him in his tracks but he resisted me and stayed standing. I began reciting the Lord's Prayer in Latin, trying to exorcise him. He hissed at me and it seemed to be working but then he just started laughing like I was just saying the funniest damn thing in the world and pretended to catch his breath, "Whew... I-I'm sorry... were you trying to exorcise me?"

In a split second his was across the room and had a hand on my throat pinning me to the wall. He said in a whisper close to my face as the others fled screaming like idiots, "I quite like it here... I think I'll stay." Again he began telling me of all the horrible things he wanted to do with me and... I'll leave those up to your imagination. This all just reminded me how much I hate feeling helpless. :\  He called me some unsavory things but what got to me the most was "filthy bitch" at this I snapped and roared, "MY NAME IS GABRIEL!!!" shoved my palm against his forehead and tried as hard as I could to exorcise him. Black smoke billowed out of his mouth, eyes, and ears and he dropped me. I hadn't killed him--only forced him out of the young man who was very confused at this point.

"We need to go somewhere safe. Come with me." I grabbed his hand and dragged him with me from the house to my truck and we drove away heading for a safehouse I knew about.

This is where I woke up and muttered to myself, "... I think I watch too much Supernatural... and what the hell was in that taco?!"

Brothers in Arms

This was a sort of medievally dream. I was a knight, part of a small band of knights that were the King's closest circle. Our job was specifically to protect the royal family and since it was wartime, we had our work cut out for us. I'm guessing this particular dream was set sometime in the 11th century (think William Wallace) as it was very rough and barbaric-looking even for a castle.

I was guarding the princess's quarters with my fellow knight, Ferguson. He was slightly shorter than I was, had the most intense blue eyes, and was the epitome of a Scott's man with his long fiery red hair (it was in dreadlocks though, kinda reminded me of a beefier Newton Faulkner) and fuzzy beard. For a fuzzy ginger Scottish man he was quite handsome though. Somehow I felt like I had known him for a long time and that we were very close.

We knew that the rival clan was coming to attack the castle, it was only a matter of time, and we knew that they were much stronger than our small army and had better technology. They had trebuchets (giant slings which were designed to knock down walls and castles), we also knew they had a number of crossbows... something which we did not. It was going to be a long night and there was this feeling of impending doom.

We looked out the window as the king's children huddled on their fur-covered bed in fear. In the distance we could see the enemy torches lining the horizon. It looked like there were hundreds of them. Ferguson looked at me and smiled sadly then pulled something out from under the plaid (it's a piece of fabric they wore over their shoulder and the pattern was specific to their clan/family, in marriage it was given as something similar to a ring... that pattern of plaid) slung over his shoulder. It was a bracelet woven out of blond and red hair (a Celtic binding spell of love where you'd braid your hair and your lover's hair into a bracelet). He took my hand and slipped it on, saying as he looked deep into my eyes,

"Now we're bound together, even in death."

I chuckled and punched him in the shoulder, "We're not going to die, you sentimental old fool!"

Ferguson laughed but grabbed my arm and wrestled me into a kiss. At first I was surprised but then I realized what our relationship was--this surprise and third person distance from the dream made me realize I was dreaming and I woke up inside the dream.

I grabbed his shoulder, "No, I'm dreaming... we're not going to die. I got this..." I headed for the door and he called after me,
"What're you goin' to do?"

I smirked, "I'm gonna fireball the bastards. Just watch."

Out in the courtyard I could see the heavy wooden gate trembling as they hit it with a battering ram. A volley of arrows flew over the wall. I shouted for everyone to find cover, then blew air from my lips (Big Bad Wolf style), forcing the majority of the arrows to fall away to the side even if some made it, catching things on fire. People started screaming. I focused on creating a ball of fire in my hands but found it increasingly hard. The gate finally gave in and enemy warriors rushed in. I chucked the ball of fire at them but it sort of fizzled out. I tried making another but couldn't.

"Oh shit." So, Plan B, I drew my sword and tried taking a few of them out but there were too many of them. I looked through the gate and it literally looked like a sea of warriors pouring in through the tiny gate. Sort of like that scene from Lord of the Rings, they were endless.

There was so much noise; screams, explosions, clanking-- I forgot I was dreaming and just got lost in the dream again. Where before I knew I was dreaming so I didn't feel fear but now that I had forgotten I didn't know that I wasn't going to die. It was all very real again, very vivid. The noise, the smells, the feeling. I remember how heavy everything felt. It was tiring to move and my sword was very heavy. It took a lot of energy to swing it.

Ferguson appeared out of nowhere and helped me fight with his shoulder close to mine.
"Just can't stay out of trouble can yeh?"

"I thought I had them!"

"Next time follow your orders."

I remembered the children and that we were supposed to be guarding them. "The princess?!"

"Safe! Concentrate. Create the fire again! Use your magic!" There was a large group of warriors clad in heavy armor approaching us. They looked like a medieval version of Robocops and they had high-tech looking crossbows. It was a rather scary sight; these mean-looking soldiers slowly marching towards us with their weapons leveled at us, the dark sky behind them, and the ruddy glow of buildings on fire glinting off of their shiny armor. I started freaking out but Ferguson stood behind me, steadied my arms, and repeated close to my ear,
"Concentrate."

My arms erupted in fire and I willed a column of fire at the enemy. They screamed and writhed as they were cooked in their own armor. That felt pretty freaking badass. I whipped the column of fire at another group of enemy soldier and worked my way back to the gate, rolling my arms back and forth as they ran from me. My fire died out and I couldn't summon it again. I was so tired and my arms felt so heavy. I felt my knees buckle but Ferguson's arms were around me, slinging me over his shoulder as he ran. We were running running running... We came to some woods but we could see the lights of the keep on fire from where we were. He set me down against a tree. I felt awful,

"I failed. I couldn't drive them back. We've lost the Keep... what of the children?"

"Hidden on a wagon on it's way to Salsbury (or some other 'bury' it wasn't important). An emissary from the baron of Warwick with meet them there."

"The king and queen?"

"The king died honorably on the battlefield and the queen ended her own life."

There was a long pause between the two of us for a moment then I asked,

"... and what of us?"

Ferguson smiled kindly, "We are going to ride to the nearest tavern, get a warm meal in us, make passionate love, and then plot our revenge." We both grinned and held on to each other fiercely. I was literally shaking in his arms but I tried to remain stable, strong as I spoke,

"I like this plan." It was one of those bittersweet but awesome moments. It was so vivid. I love how vivid it was. I could feel his shoulder as I buried my face into it. I could smell leather and sweat and smoke. I felt his dreadlocks brush my face. I could feel the muscles shift under his hard leather armor. I could feel his lips press against the crook of my neck.

We made it to said tavern and did just that... (--that-- was very vivid as well...) then the dream devolved into something about D&D and a quest where we were going to talk to a wizard who could help us and I ended up waking up.

HUGE ASS PIG

**** GORE ****

I was at a fancy dinner party to celebrate the make and model of a new car apparently because there was a car in the middle of the room surrounded by fancy tables and even fancier people. It was a very fancy shindig. I felt sort of out of place like someone had dragged me to this event and I was less than happy to be wearing an itchy suit. Anywho, the lights suddenly went down and an ominous voice boomed on the intercom,

"All the exits have been locked. There is no escape. The survivors must progress through each room. At the end you will know why you're here."

It clicked off. People looked around confusedly then machine guns popped out of slots from the walls and mowed down a few people. I ducked under a table with my date, trying to figure out what the fuck was going on. The gunfire stopped as did the screams. Anyone dumb enough to have not ducked under a table was dead and the ones that survived were too shocked to make much noise. The voice continued.

"Progress to the next room. You have 15 minutes before a deadly gas is released in this room. I suggest you play the game."

People started crawling out from under the tables, sobbing, huddling together and generally looking like frightened rabbits... not that I can judge, my fancy white suit was spattered with blood (wow, I have such cheerful dreams...). I was the first one to stand up and try all the doors. They were indeed locked and there were no windows. The door to the next room was under a spotlight which was the only light in the room besides the tea candles on the tables. People started gathering behind me.

I realized some of my friends were with me; Jesse, Ness, Tom, Shamus, Peter, Lalita (who by the way was wearing a lovely dress which would've been even lovelier had it not been soaked in blood), and this dude Steven from high school that was kind of a jackass. He was the one that said, "Go on, open it!" so I gingerly opened the door and peered through. I saw this huge, and I mean huge boar-like pig that was covered in maggots charging towards us so I slammed it shut just in time to hear the creature attempting to break the door down.

"There's a huge fucking pig on the other side!" And the maggots thing kinda freaked me out as well... undead monster pig... ugh.

Steven, ever the charmer, said, "So? It's just a pig. Lemme see!" He pushed past me and cracked the door to look. We almost lost control of the door and had fun trying to shut it again but the 8 of us managed... eventually. The door was beginning to splinter.

"Holy shit! That's a huge ass pig! What now? We have ten minutes left!"

Peter asked, "Do we have any weapons?"

Lalita said, "... salad forks." with a look of utter disdain. XD

I got an idea, "CAR. Someone get in the car and hit the pig with the car when it breaks down the door!"

As it turns out, there with no keys... the pig's snout was poking through the door a bit in a very 'Heeere's Johnny' way. I shouted at Steven, "Make yourself useful and hot wire the damn thing!"
He did and got behind the wheel just as the monster broke through and we were sent flying from the impact. The car was sort of a cross between a hummer and a truck so when it and the pig collided  the pig slowed down a bit but left a huge pig-shaped dent in the front. He backed up and hit it again, finally knocking it over though it was only a matter of time before it got back up again.

Tom headed for the hallway calling out in a very Bobby-way, "C'mon, ya idgits." The other people stayed behind but as we were further down the hall they started following us slowly.

We entered another room which seemed empty. We all paused at the door. Steven started running across it to get to the door, I sensed something wasn't right... I ran after him to save his sorry ass when I realized there were several trip wires set up. He set one off but I managed to push him out of the way as a spear was launched from the side of the room... unfortunately it speared me in the process and pinned me to the wall through my stomach.

I gave my, 'Alas, go on without me' speach, my friends were reluctant to leave me but there was nothing they could do. Peter wanted to pull it out but Ness explained that it would only kill me faster and I only had 15 minutes before poison gas was released in this room as well so they all just stayed with me until I slipped away.

I woke up. I love you all. *wipes tear* ... except Steven because you're a douche for getting me killed.

...Teen Titans?

So in this one I was Beast Boy from the cartoon Teen Titans and I kept trying to hit on Robin but he would have none of it. I remember saying out loud,
"Damn, those green tights look fiiiiine on you, Robin."

Apparently not all dreams have a deeper meaning...

My Other Mother

Had an interesting dream the other day... and I promise not to start every post like this.

I was sleeping on the couch and I thought I had woken up because mom came through the door with her typical, "Hey, how'd it go." There was something off about her though and I didn't realize it at first but when she sat down on the couch next to me I couldn't really distinguish her face. It was this sense of wrongness that tipped me off and I started lucid dreaming.

I said, "You're not my mum."

And my other-mother laughed almost childishly and said, "You're right! I'm not!"

I woke up again, thought I was really awake this time. I actually remembered the previous dream and was glad to be out of it because I could sense it turning into a nightmare. Mom came home, put her bag down, said, "Hey, how'd it go?" and sat down on the couch but I could see her face this time and her eyes weren't right. They kept shifting and changing shape like sacks of murky fluid bulging from her sockets. This was obviously more alarming even though I now knew I was dreaming.

I called my dream mom on it, "Nope. I'm still dreaming and you're not real."

"Yes I am. I'm your mom." She was less than convincing.

So... this happened about 3 or 4 more times, each time there would either be something wrong with my mother or with the room itself. I believe there was a gnarly tree growing out of the TV at one point.

I got up and walked around the house with this growing feeling of dread. I even called out for my Dream Guardian, Epsilon/Evaly (it depends on what gender they decide to appear as),
 but nothing changed. The house was dark and things weren't where they should've been and there were vaguely human-shaped shadows walking around. I was more upset that there were uninvited people in my house than I was afraid of them.

Finally I had had enough and I began chanting, "Mommy wears a red dress, mommy wears a red dress." Dream Mom seemed distressed by this and kept asking me to stop but what I was trying to do was alter my reality in the hopes of breaking the cycle. Finally I succeeded and her summer dress turned red.

I said with as much strength as I could muster, "I want to wake up now." and threw my hands out in front of me in your typical HADOUKEN gesture and like she was being yanked back by a bungee cord, my other mother was pulled through the house away from me.

I woke up, Mom walked through the door and said, "... Shit. The cats peed again!"
Yup. I'm awake now... I think... *pulls on fingers, they don't stretch*. Yup.