Another Kind of Demon

So, this morning I had a sleep paralysis episode but it was the first time in a long time.... that it involved TWO entities... one of which admitted to being a demon, though I did kind of invoke it, it still kinda creeps me out and yet fascinates me. As I recall, not all demons are entirely evil... most used to be gods.

In my past dreams the entity has always appeared either through my panicked thoughts or on it's own but never... that I can remember... has there been more that one entity in the room with me at time. Nor have I ever felt such a distinction... like they were DIFFERENT. There was a PRESENCE about the second one.  It's hard to explain beyond that but they were DIFFERENT. But both were in the same space... and one frightened the other away.

Moving on...

I dreamt I was part of a gypsy caravan and I sang songs in the back of the van, our legs swinging over the dirt road as we traveled. I sat next to my friend Emanuelle and I leaned on her shoulder and we sang "gypsy songs" that I don't remember but we were happy.

I began to wake up gradually. I knew I was in my bed. I could see all my room and I knew I was in bed. There was a strange man in the corner. He was about my age, black hair disheveled, wearing mostly tight black clothing. If I didn't know better I'd say Edward Scissorhands was in the corner of my bedroom twitching horribly and flickering. His eyes were sooo dark like he had been crying and wearing heavy mascara and it had all run down his face and his eyes were almost invisible under all his disheveled black hair.

 Emo-looking yes... but at the time... he was terrifying. I felt waves of pain coming off of him and it scared me. It's hard to explain (I keep saying that but it's true). It hurt to be in the same room with him and he felt like a landmine ready to be set off. It was so disturbing. He hadn't even looked at me but I had this great and terrible fear that if he looked at me something terrible would happen.

I became afraid. I knew I was lucid and in the midst of sleep paralysis as I was seeing that miserable creature in the corner of my room but was painfully aware of my surroundings and of the fact that it was hard to breathe and I couldn't move. I kept trying to will myself to see something else, to calm down.

He twitched and writhed some more and flickered and moved, moaning softly and horribly, he ghosted towards the bed and I began to cry out only I couldn't because my lips were glued shut. I concentrated on calming myself, reminding myself that this wasn't real and that what I felt would pass... suddenly I felt a large, strong, warm hand on my forehead and I heard a familiar voice,

"Don't worry, I'm here now. He can't hurt you."

I thought loudly at the voice but I'm not sure my voice made it but he seemed to hear me, "Help me. I'm afraid."

He spoke again and I recognized the voice as British and then Watson's from the British T.V. show Sherlock,
"Don't let go..." he wrapped his strong warm hands around mine and I felt it. The strange dark man hissed at us and disappeared.

"Are you an angel?" I asked the strong warm presence with my mind. He took more form above me, appearing as Watson straddling me.

He laughed sheepishly, "Hahah uh, no, no I'm not." in Watson's voice.

"Are you a demon too?" I asked.

His eyes shifted down to mine and narrowed, he smiled quietly and said in a distinctly non-Watson voice, "Another kind, yes."

I felt a pang of fear hearing that but asked anyway, "What kind would that be?" I asked in my mind. If I could've raised my eyebrow I would have.

He kissed me on the forehead and then softly on the lips. I barely felt it. I begged him for things. Things which I'm ashamed of now but he just laughed at me kindly at the time. He just stayed until the sunlight started pouring through my windows.

The paralysis started losing it's grip even as I tried to prolong it. I know that I felt him holding my right hand for a bit then I tried to pull it away and succeeded but still felt him brush it almost lovingly. He had touched my forehead and kissed it and kissed my neck and various other things but it all sort of gradient faded into conscious and then suddenly before I knew it I was fully awake looking around the room confusedly because it was so real and yet nothing was there. He was gone, the strange dark man was gone. It was all so normal. And so instantaneous... I went from feeling the warmth of his hands one second to suddenly... gone. Just like that. Like it never happened.






.... And YES I psychoanalyze myself (nearly every morning... yeh that can't be healthy)
Watson obviously represents someone I admire and many ways relate to... and am even looking for in a mate. He's been on my mind a lot so it's no wonder that the first "Strong, Safe" person I think of is Watson. The rest of it and the way he looked at me is what has me feeling uneasy.

Demons freak me out, okay? They freak everyone out. They freak me out especially because I know their roots and the idea that the media has presented recently... that they can take on the appearance of our loved ones is... honestly, My. Worst. Fear.
They are powerful, unpredictable, and often cruel as portrayed by media. I know I've been under a lot of stress lately but uhh... if anything else happens (knocks on wood) you'll know where it began.  >.>

And now I have to write a fucking 6pg paper.

But I Don't Want To Stop Dreaming...

I rrrreally did not want to wake up today. I had just had enough of the "real" world and wanted to stay where I was in the dream world. So when I woke up I spent the better part of 2 hours trying to find it again with no luck though I did have some disjointed dreams in the process, most of which were mostly lucid. It felt like home and I felt like I was being ripped away from it and really there wasn't much plot to the dream, just that I was lucid enough to understand I couldn't stay.

It begun in the kitchen of my "dream house", I was cooking something with the help of Evaly who kept stealing kisses between chopping veggies. It was just such a "normal" sort of domestic dream. I felt so at home and so at peace with her in my kitchen. Then I began thinking about how the kitchen is the heart of the home and then I remembered telling that to some of my friends, that phrase... and then I realized that I was in a dream and none of it was real.

Evaly looked up at me and smiled, she asked me to get some herbs from the garden so I walked through the house out onto the porch and down the few steps to our little herb garden. Our house sat on a cliff over looking the sea and as soon as I stepped outside the scent of the ocean hit me, the salt, humidity, and calm as it crashed on the rocks below in a hushed sort of hiss.

I stared out at the sea and the sky was so vivid but unreal. It was a gradient of blues, purples, oranges, golds, and reds. I heard the screendoor swing shut and Evaly stood there on the porch saying,
"It's almost done. Have you got them?"

"Yeah, here." I handed some sprigs of rosemary, thyme, and fresh cilantro to her. I could smell the herbs and the salty air. I remember distinctly the texture of her hair. Thick but sort of feathery at the ends but the same dark inky black I'm used to. I started to run my fingers through it.

She laughed and turned, headed back inside, "Well we better add these. Come inside, it looks like rain."

And what had been a clear sky with a brilliant sunset was suddenly dark and rainy.

I came inside as the rain pattered on the roof. Apparently we had made soup and she had set a bowl out for me. I sat down at the corner of the table beside her as we ate. I do actually remember tasting the soup vividly. She smiled at me and said quietly,
"You know you can't stay." as she blew on her soup to cool it.

"But I don't want to stop dreaming." I said, picking at my soup.

It was thundering outside and I felt the chill of the rain come through the open windows as the curtains danced. I sensed I was drifting towards consciousness. I didn't fight it because I knew that the harder I fought the faster I'd wake up.

Evaly began singing softly, a song that I heard once before in a dream,

"We're birds of a feather and I know you're in need of fair weather, just call my name again,
'cause it's getting stormy, you know where to find me, and I know you're in need of a friend."

"My father sang that in another dream."

Then she smiled at me and said, "Do you hear the chainsaw?"

My eyes popped open and I heard it, fully awake. Apparently mom was outside chainsawing a tree by the edge of the garden and it had thundered and rained last night.

Carol King and the Totem Trellis

You know, I hate that feeling when I've had a good dream or an interesting one anyway... and it fades and all I remember are fragments but I feel like there is something important I'm missing.

So... I've been listening to Carol King all evening because that was what I remember waking up with in my mind. I was singing something by Carol King when I woke up and I remember a trellis and some sprout people dancing and I was singing on their behalf.

There were also faces carved into the wooden trellis and they were singing along with me as the chorus. There was the face of a wolf, eagle, and bull... and they were singing Carol King lyrics along with me while these sprout people were growing.


Dreams... they're interesting things. If a bit odd.